


learning to share

by justdk



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, M/M, Nightmares, POV Neil Josten, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 01:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20574470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justdk/pseuds/justdk
Summary: What happens when you throw a recently traumatized Neil in bed with Andrew? hint: not sweet dreams





	learning to share

**Author's Note:**

> written to fulfill a tumblr prompt, 53: "Darling, stop" (Andreil, SFW, angst)

Early morning light streamed in through the window blinds. Neil blinked slowly, his head cloudy and confused. It took a moment for him to remember that he was at the cabin. He’d been in too many places recently, been through too much trauma, and his mind was still catching up. 

His stitches pulled as he leveraged himself off the soft mattress and the burns beneath his bandages itched terribly. Andrew wasn’t in the bed so Neil didn’t feel the need to put on a front for him. He groaned when his feet hit the floor, his face twisting into a pained grimace. It was hard to figure out what hurt the most, as it was all deeply unpleasant.

Neil hobbled into the bathroom and checked his bandages. He’d need Andrew’s help changing some of them and getting cleaned up. He studied his reflection in the mirror, touching the purple marks on his collarbone and shoulder. His skin flushed as he remembered the careful way Andrew had touched him and kissed him, going so slow that Neil’s toes had curled and he’d been a trembling mess by the time Andrew was through with him. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling too wide. 

After getting his pajamas back on Neil wandered out to find Andrew. He tiptoed through the cabin, wary of waking his sleeping teammates, and made his way to the kitchen. Andrew wasn’t there but there was a fresh pot of coffee. Neil poured himself a mug and went out to explore the porch. The cool mountain air was sweet and refreshing, a far cry from muggy Columbia.

Andrew was standing at the porch railing with his back to the cabin, a mug of coffee at his elbow, a cigarette held between two fingers. Neil studied him. The light haloed Andrew, making his fair hair glint. Andrew had once called Neil a pipe dream but Neil thought that Andrew was the one who was too good to be true. 

Neil sighed softly but Andrew somehow heard him. He turned and caught Neil’s gaze on him. His lips quirked and he brought the cigarette to his mouth, taking a deep pull.

Neil sauntered over, moving slow to hide the way he was aching. He plucked the cigarette from Andrew’s lips and took a brief puff before handing it back. He really wanted to kiss Andrew. His eyes flicked down to Andrew’s lips and back up to his eyes, gauging his interest. Andrew’s expression was giving nothing away, like usual, but when Neil leaned in Andrew put his hand over Neil’s parted lips.

“No.”

Andrew’s tone was terse and Neil immediately backed up, giving him space. He didn’t want to worry but he couldn’t help it. He started thinking over everything that had happened recently, trying to figure out the reason for Andrew’s rebuff without asking him because he didn’t want to be needy or pry or —

“Stop thinking.” Andrew poked Neil’s forehead where his brow had furrowed. “It’s not you.”

Neil rubbed his forehead. “Okay,” he said, accepting the answer to his unasked questions.

Neil gripped his coffee mug and shifted his weight, letting the railing take most of it. The warm mug felt good in his hands, soothing. He relaxed a little, relieved that Andrew’s refusal wasn’t based on something he might have done.

They stood side by side, drinking their coffee and gazing out at the gorgeous view of the Smoky Mountains. Neil shivered at the lingering chill but didn’t want to go back in for a blanket. Every moment with Andrew felt precious, especially these private moments away from the usual crowd of the team and classmates.

“How are you feeling?” Andrew asked.

“Aches and pains,” Neil said with a dismissive shrug. “I know this is worse than Evermore but…” He couldn’t finish the thought. He was so damn lucky to be alive. It kept hitting him in moments like this: he should be dead; he shouldn’t have gotten this second chance with Andrew.

Andrew turned to look at him, his hazel eyes moving over Neil’s body. His hand hovered over Neil’s wrist and his gaze turned dark, like something was bothering him.

“Last night…” Andrew said. He sounded unsure and it threw Neil to hear him wavering.

Neil rushed in to reassure him. “Last night was good,” he said earnestly. “You didn’t hurt me.”

Andrew swallowed and looked up to meet Neil’s eyes. “You don’t remember?”

Neil frowned. “We made out and stuff,” he said, flushing a little. “You didn’t hurt me,” he repeated with emphasis.

What he didn’t say but wanted to was how good it had been to share the bed with Andrew, to know he was safe beside him. Sometimes, in his nightmares, Lola and Nathan got their hands on Andrew instead of him. And that was the worst. He’d been having those dreams ever since Baltimore. It wasn’t fair that the past could continue to torment him, even while he was asleep.

Andrew tapped his cigarette against the railing, spilling ash onto the porch. Neil waited, as patiently as he could, for Andrew to get out whatever was going on in his head.

“Last night you had a nightmare,” Andrew said eventually. “You were moving in your sleep and you kicked me.”

Neil blinked. He didn’t remember that, though he could sense the sourness of the unremembered dream like it was a bad taste he couldn’t get out of his mouth.

“I woke up.” Andrew swallowed and dug his fingernails into the wooden railing. “I didn’t know it was you at first and I…” Andrew trailed off, his head ducked, not meeting Neil’s eyes. “I hit you.”

Andrew paused, like he was waiting for some reaction. His shoulders were hunched and his entire demeanor was so changed that Neil didn’t know what to do. He’d seen Andrew high, furious, relaxed, _pleased_, surprised, amused, thoughtful, but he’d never known Andrew to look guilty.

“That’s—,” Neil struggled to find the words, “understandable. I would have done the same thing. Most people would, Andrew. It’s just a reaction. It wasn’t intentional.” Andrew didn’t look like he believed that. Neil reached for him and Andrew allowed Neil to touch his face. Neil stroked his thumb over Andrew’s cheekbone. “I don’t even remember it happening.”

“That’s beside the point,” Andrew huffed. “_I remember_. You woke up scared and I was… not in a good place, either.” He shook his head. “It could have been so much worse, Neil. If I’d had my knives on me…”

“Andrew, stop,” Neil interrupted. “Stop blaming yourself. My first instinct is to reach for a weapon, too, which is _why_ we didn’t have any in the bed.” Andrew made a face like he thought having his knives out of reach wasn’t a good plan. “So what happened after you hit me? It must not have been much of a hit because I truly don’t remember this happening.”

“You tried to hit me back,” Andrew said, “but that hurt your hand. I realized what was happening and talked you down. Then you just fell right back asleep.” Andrew pulled his arms across his chest, rubbing his palms over his biceps. “It was weird.”

“Pain meds,” Neil said, nodding slowly. “I think they affect me more since I’m not used to taking them.”

“Figures.” Andrew shook his head. “Masochist.”

“Oh, now you’re calling me names!” Neil grinned and nudged Andrew with his elbow. “Look, what happened, let’s not make a big deal out of it. We’ll adjust but it’ll take time. I mean, last summer we hated each other and now…”

Neil bit his tongue. He was pretty sure Andrew didn’t hate him anymore but he couldn’t say with certainty that Andrew felt anything special for him, or anyone. He was also assuming a lot to think that Andrew would want to continue sharing a bed with him after spring break. Andrew would get tired of him eventually. Bored. Neil sighed.

Andrew caught Neil’s hand, his fingers stroking over the bandages. “I won’t hurt you again,” he said gruffly.

Neil’s smile was wobbly and his throat ached. He had to swallow before the words would come out. “I know,” he murmured.

**Author's Note:**

> I completely lost the thread with this prompt *sweats* I also learned that writing a fic set in canon is so frustrating because my brand is Soft and Communication. Catch me over in post-canon or AU land! Anyways I tried. Sorry for leaving out the “darling” – the boys will get there one day! 
> 
> you can find my on tumblr @dkafterdark


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